Former US President Bill Clinton

Think: Sooo Bubba… can I call you Bubba?

Bubba: Well, actually, I’d prefer if you’d call me Mr. Presi…

Think: Riiight… so Bubba, what are you doing here in Singapore? Trying to escape the heat for all that stuff you stole from the White House back when you vacated?

Bubba: Awww, hell naw man. They forgot all about that stuff. But I tell you what, if they knew all the stuff I got out of there, they’d have my hide.

Think: I thought it was just towels, silverware, and whatever light furniture you could strap on Hillary’s back. Did you really swipe all the W’s off the keyboards in the Whitehouse?

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Bubba: Hell naw, man. Hey, we off the record?

Think: Sure thing, Bubba.

Bubba: You ever hear of Lincoln’s gold? Got that. Got George Washington’s skull too. That’s gonna be worth somethin’ one day.

Think: Yeah… So how are things between you and the wife now that some time has passed? She still pissed about the whole Lewinski thing? Has your new book reopened any old wounds?

Bubba: Awww jeez man! You promised you weren’t going to ask me about my b*tches! You know that subject’s off limits.

Think: Sorry, but about Hillary?

Bubba: (misty-eyed) Ah feel her pain…

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Think: Well, what about her?

Bubba: Man, she don’t feel my nothing no more! She won’t even return my calls now that she’s some big shot senator!

Think: That’s rough Bub. I, too, feel your…

Bubba: Hey, that’s my line!

Think: Woah, sorry. What about Al, you guys hanging out?

Bubba: Hell man, he’s more boring than a Baptist in a chastity belt. I had better times back on the pig farm in Arkansas, course (misty-eyed again) those were good days. And the way he’s been ranting on stage, man he must’ve taken lessons from Howard Dean, coz he sure didn’t get that from me!

Think: Well, it sure looks like the ladies of this establishment are taking good care of you.

Bubba: Oh yeah man, I’m as happy as a pig in poop. There’s just one problem though…

Think: And that is?

Bubba: Where’s the beef? I mean, these Asian ladies are gorgeous and everything, but they’re all skinny-minnies, you know what I’m sayin’ here? I mean, I got a hankerin’ for a T-bone, and they’re bringing me side salads! I need somethin’ I can grab on to.

Think: Come on, Bubba. I think I know a place. And we have a company account there.

Bubba: I like this magazine’s style. Ah really do.