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Dear Hungry bunny,

you are so hot you must really know about sex now here is question i need answer sometime it hurts when i do it wrong and i don’t know why it could be that its broken or that i am doing it wrong please help i want to feel good sex like anyone else write me back i need correct love but it is broken and not working within the normal boundaries sincerely – Raj Sorour

Under normal circumstances, we would print your letter in a sexpert column, along with a thoughtful (but totally sexy) response from Daisy Blaze. Unfortunately, we have no idea what the hell you are asking, nor are we totally sure we want the picture to become clearer. Suffice to say that if you want a response from Daisy, you’ll have to write her back in English.

Hello, my dear friend.

I was looking through the web few weeks ago and found your profile. Now I decided to email you to get to know you better. I am coming to your country in few weeks and thought maybe we can meet each other. I am pretty looking girl. I am 25. Do not reply to this address directly. Email me back at udew@goodmtmail.info. – Katherine

Finally! We thought no one would ever respond to our web profile. It’s hard to meet someone when you have no money, no home, and no teeth. We can’t wait for you to get to our country. There is so much for you to see… and clean.

Dear Think

I was on the fence for a while but I think I’ve concluded that you people are either on some heavy drugs or really stupid. Here’s a tip: Die. I went, with the voucher from my new subscription, to Madam Wong’s. Assholes. Next time, try printing something other than lies. They don’t accept the voucher. If you need to fill space in your magazine, why not just let my daughter sell you some of her colouring book crayon drawings. I’ll get you a good deal. – Richard Garris

Okay Richard, here’s some advice: When cleaning your ears with a Q-Tip™ stop pushing when you feel resistance. You don’t need to push the whole thing into your brain. You went to the wrong place. Madam Wong’s is not part of the Wongsan Group. Try Siam Supper Club, or look up their other outlets at www.wongsans.com. Damn.

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