The Associated Press announced today that Tiger Woods has handed in his entry for the inaugural Sadr City Golf Classic to be held Feb. 8 to Feb. 11 at the newly designed Jack Nicklaus Bushwood Country Club on the outskirts of Baghdad, Iraq. The Sadr City Golf Classic is being held the week after the Dubai Desert Classic, a favourite stop on the European Tour.

Past champions include a whose who of golfing legends including Seve Ballesteros, Ernie Els, Fred Couples, Marvin Himelfarb, Colin Montgomerie, Jose Maria Olazabal, Thomas Bjorn, two time champion Ernie Els, Mark O’Meara and the defending champion Tiger Woods.

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Sadr City is a suburb of Baghdad with 2 million people which was built in response to the intense housing shortage in Baghdad in 1959. It was originally called Revolution City after the Beatles song “Revolution” then the name was changed to Saddam City. After Sunni Saddam’s statue was toppled in 2003 the Shiite neighbourhood was renamed Sadr City after the Ayatollah Mohammed Sadeq al-Sadr, the grandfather of its present ruler Muqtada al-Sadr.

Tiger’s move has caused quite a stir in golfing circles as it will cause Tiger to forego the 2007 Pebble Beach National Pro Am. At the time of his beheading Daniel Pearl had been investigating a story that Iranian President Ahmidinejad had guaranteed Tiger a $50 million appearance fee to play in the Sadr City which many Shiite Muslim Clerics believe will be a part of Shiite Iran by then. It was also revealed that Michael Richards and Jack Nicklaus were instrumental in arranging for Tiger to play the Muqtada Open.

The event will be governed by the rules of the R&A Golf Association however several local rules will be in effect. In the event of a gasoline powered golf cart exploding a player’s caddie into the next dimension the player will be allowed to change caddies instantly no penalty. Should the Lord Jesus Christ the Jewish born Rabbi and the awaited Messiah of Christianity and Islam suddenly Rapture every born again Christian during a player’s backswing thereby interfering with the player’s swing the player will be allowed a mulligan. This will be the first time in the history of the PGA Tour that mulligans will be allowed.

The PGA went along with it in the interest of avoiding another Casey Martin situation heading to the United States Supreme Court. The final nail in the coffin was when the Democrats took over the American Congress and President Bush thereby lost the power to insert another Televangelist as the swing voter on the court.

Asked why he was playing in the event Tiger had this to say: “I am a Buddhist. I try to meditate on the course and stay in the zone. I felt that if I could stay focused while all Hell was breaking loose then I would be able to remain focused under the most intense conditions. I also have the assurances of the Sultan of Dubai, (Butch was instrumental in arranging this), President al-Maliki, President Ahmidinejad, President Assad, and the Saudi Royal family that during the week of the tournament all violence in the Middle East will come to an absolute halt.

Elin and my mom have never been to Iraq and I hear that the food there is great. In the old days the USO was able to arrange for Marilyn Monroe, Bob Hope, Bing Crosby, Dean Martin, Joey Heatherton and so many others to fly into war zones to boost the morale of the troops. Imagine the fairways at Bushwood lined with thousands of our brave American men and women soldiers who are giving their lives and limbs every day to protect our way of life being beamed world wide by satellites to the rest of the world.

I can’t wait to go. Martyrdom did not seem to harm Jesus’ popularity, especially when it comes out that Elin had a bun in the oven at the time. I will become bigger than John Lennon, who released a new Beatles Album “Love” this week, decades after his assassination. Had he lived to old age, who would have bought it? He probably would have turned out worse than Sir Paul McCartney, accused by Yoko Ono of clubbing her over the head with her prosthetic leg in a public and messy divorce. Who needs the tsouris?

Karen Fish is a writer currently living in Los Angeles California. The Temple of Love

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