Life is random. Sometimes it takes absolutely nothing to release feelings and words; other times I find myself starting off paragraphs with statements like “life is random.” Something I’ve been thinking about a whole lot here is freedom, that state of being we’re either trying to achieve, a state of being we’re denied, or at least a state we’re told we’re in.
To me, freedom is sanctuary. It is this wonderful state in which the inner chatter that plagues my mind goes still and all of a sudden, I’m just living. Decisions are made on a more instinctive “feels right” level, it seems that rather than me making the choices, the choices make themselves and I just sort of float along with what ‘is’. On a larger level, freedom is the ability to be able to do what we deserve. Without being negative, when it comes to our freedoms, it does jar me a little bit that we’ve been made to feel grateful for the freedoms we do have, when we in fact should be raving mad for all the ones we don’t have.
I’m not talking about the kind of freedom the US is trying to shoot out the barrel of a gun in Iraq. I’m talking about personal freedom. I guess it’s at this point when we realise that so many things are out of our control that we can truly grasp how many things actually are in our control. I mean, granted, they do make it rough to do what you want, but the point is, we do end up doing what we want anyways. Okay, so now we have to be a little bit smarter and more tricky about it, but isn’t that the point? It’s these traits exactly that are going to keep us one step ahead when we complain all the while about being one step behind.
And the music! Don’t you just die every time the beat strikes your fancy, and for whatever amount of time, you just forget about everything? The problems. The realities. That whole sense of self. It’s like, now you aren’t you. You exist because the eternal beat marches on. And now you’re jumping. And now you’re sweating. Oh, man! Now you’re yelling! You’ve never been so happy before! But, wait… an hour ago, you were complaining that you were becoming bored with your job, your boy/girlfriend just doesn’t understand you, and you’re losing that creative edge you used to feel. Now, all you can think is “I’m alive!” And then you’re yelling it.
Now, if this state of “herenowness” is a good thing, it’s important to figure out what makes it such a good thing. I’d say first and foremost, it’s the FREEDOM. It’s that feeling that we get so little of in real life. It’s being able to not think about what this or that person thinks about whatever. It’s being able to do whatever we want (without harming others) whenever we want, because it just struck our fancy that it’d be FUN. And it’s about being able to truly experience life and learn from it at whatever rate or momentum we so desire.
Now ask, “Did we find that freedom written in some law book with some permit attached to it, or is it something we found within ourselves because it was there all along?” At this point everything becomes really wonderful and easy, yet, at the same time, really tough. But in being so excited, have we lost balance? Well, maybe we never really had any kind of balance to begin with, but maybe it’s time we really start looking for it.
I mean, we have experienced life on both sides of the fence. It’s been boring… and it’s been FUN!!! It’s just that we take this ‘new’ growth of freedom and think it just ends there; maybe there’s a point we missed? Growth is never-ending. Just when we’ve come upon something really big, something new is just around the corner. Not to mention the fact that we’re going to keep experiencing and existing until we cease to, so we might as well make steps forward rather than existing in a stagnant non-life (an example being when fun ceases to be fun and morphs into more of a habit).
So, grow, I say! GROW! …but… have fun… yet… evolve…and maintain balance… and be nice. By the way, ceasing to exist may cause temporary memory loss. That could be good though. So can a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. So, what’s the point anyway? Eat whatever you want (be free), make sure it’s not poisonous and causing an early demise (maintain balance), and don’t let it sit out too long and catch that funky fuzz (growth). Or maybe all this stuff just happens on its own?