Category: Letters to the Editor

Letters answered by an outsourcing firm in India.

Dear Think,

What’s with these maniacs that write you guys every month? Don’t they understand that this is entertainment? Why is it whenever you do something different or call someone on their bad attitudes, you can bet on someone grabbing their box of crayolas and scribbling out some self-indulgent rant that somehow puts us all in our place. How dare we laugh at ourselves or each other… unless one of the other free magazines says it’s okay. Stay smart, – Sebastion Runza

Dear Sebastion, If you were within high-fiving distance, I’d insist you and I make up our own secret handshake. I don’t know if you’re just trying to say what we want to hear or what, but I think I speak for the entire Think Magazine staff when I say, “Exactly.” But at your question (and this is just me speculating): I think many people living in Singapore are so hyper-sensitive that they’re physically looking for something to bitch about. Fair enough, I concede, some gripes are legitimate. But many are just silly. Nevertheless, we’re out there on the streets so it’s something I’ve come to expect and, as of late, appreciate. And on behalf of the racially balanced, politically correct staff, I thank you for the letter.

Letters to the editors from our crack-smoking readers

THINK,

Just wanted to thank you for creating far and away the best Singapore magazine. Your articles are as funny as they are well written. Cheryl Chia and Jeffree Benet do an amazing job providing us with a look at Singapore in an incredibly entertaining way. My wife and I love the magazine from cover to cover. The only problem is four weeks is too long between editions. We crave Think! Great job! – Jerry and Glenda Loftin

Wow. You see, it’s letters like this that make me just want to say, “See, I told you we rule! Ha! Eat it, suckers! That’s right: EAT. IT. BoooYA!!!! In your face bitches! Take that you f – ing muthascratcher. Think Magazine’s in the house!!! Wooo!!!!!!” But I won’t. Thanks for the letter.

Letters answered by outsourced Indian tele-answerers.

Dear Think Magazine

I’ve read your “Letters to the Editor” page and I’ve noticed there are no Malay letter writers. Please print my letter so I can point out to my coworkers that you do indeed print letters from Malays. – Thanks, Rafidah P.S. Love your movie reviews.

Rafidah, How do I know you’re a real Malay and not some Malay impersonator? I don’t mean to be a jerk, we’ve just been getting hundreds of letters from people claiming to be Malaysian but when we run the requisite background checks on their family trees, it turns out they’re not really Malaysians at all. But if it helps, I’m Californian and I LOVE Air Batu Campur (Malaysian Cocktail in shaved ice + Ice Cream), yummy!

Letters answered by the cute FedEx guy.

Dear Think,

The “Techno Music” genre, as this troll calls it [Vol.2, Issue 17], is so far beyond stupidity and redundancy it’s not even worthy of being mentioned in your rag. The names of the genre descriptions aren’t exactly too accurate, either. For instance, there’s no defining moment to give breakbeat the rap crown as it’s been used since the dawn of German tekno/elektro/electronic pioneers, Kraftwerk.

If you want to hear BREAKBEATS, then simply listen to ’70s anthem, “Trans Europe Express.” In fact, if you want to hear the roots of all these genres, like “techno”, trance, breakbeats, elektro, etc., then Kraftwerk is highly in order. Another thing – electro clash has absolutely “nothing” to do with “funk” or funky sounds. Electro in itself is a very bizarre sound. Much more bizarre than “funk,” per se.

The genres your writer names are highly out of date and highly regressive. Not in the least underground whatsoever, save for the merging trance genres.You want some decent styles of old? Here you go:

Tekkno, hardcore techno, gabba (note: not gabbER), hard-acid, acidtrance, hard trance, ambient (I have to give this respect, it’s not heard much anymore), industrial (not NIN, but Front 242, Throbbing Gristle, The Normal, Non, Can, Fad Gadget, Cabaret Voltaire, etc), techno industrial, acid, new beat, etc.

Newer stuff: Hardbeat, hard dance, elektro-wave, industrial tekkno, etc etc.

This doesn’t even encompass the industrial genres or many other electronic genres that were “not” mentioned.

It would seem to me that your *cough* reviewer(s) is a bit biased as to what they write about. So be it, but keep in mind that what is being mentioned is not what is really kicking within the scene these days. I don’t expect you to understand this, though – you’re only a cheesy ragazine. – DJ NaNa

And yet you read this “cheesy ragazine.” And it wasn’t a *cough* review. The article was a breakdown of the ever-changing genres in electronic music. Is it dated? Yep, from the moment he wrote it down. In fact, it’s more than safe to say the genres that you’re honking are SO lame by now that publishing your letter will get you booted from the “underground” so fast your xl records will spin. But that’s okay. You can hang out with us cheesy ragazine people.

Letters to the editors from our crack-smoking readers

THINK,

Thanks for your non-apology on standards (Readers write Think #10) concerning ‘its’ or ‘it’s’ and other pedantry. Shame that on the same page was “death theats” rather than ‘threats’ and “small fuzzy animals” rather than ‘furry’. Then later “Babble Fish” instead of ‘Babel Fish’; even though Babel Fish is an altogether better class of gag.

To paraphrase another article in this issue – lowering journalistic standards is certainly fashionable, but shouldn’t you be maintaining your intelligent style; the one that comes with careful proof reading? – Chin chin, Roy Marsh

Yeah yeah… all the copy editors were on holiday last issue and some typos got through… like “has” instead of “have” in the Esmirida review… we’re working on it!

That said, check this:

“occdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by itslef but the wrod as a wlohe.”

Of course we’re not that bad , so consider yourself our reader/proof-reader of the month!

Letters answered by Mooninites not disguised as bombs.

Dear Magazine

Listen, I have a secret for you: YOU’RE PAYING TOO MUCH FOR YOUR INK JET PRINTER CARTRIDGES!!! How do I know this? Because OUR PRICES ARE LOWER THAN ANYONE ELSE’S!!! Click here to find out more!! – Tom Nielsen, CEO, InkJet Solutions

Dear Tom, Tell me more! Tell me more! I can’t believe I’ve been paying too much for my ink jet cartridges! Jesus! When I get my hands on our Xerox guy I’m going to throttle that poor, almost English-speaking jerk in the name of inkjet over-payers everywhere. Thanks for the tip! His ass is grass.

Klahan Pakpao Sukhon

Letters answered by Klahan Pakpao Sukhon, our security guard.

Dear MR. think, (via email)

Just looked at your web page, its pretty cool! Would you be intrested (sic) in getting free long distance and making some money at the same time? If so email me and i will get you some information. My email is [address removed]. – Thanks keep up the good work on your web page. James.

Ack! Please tell me you didn’t compliment our webpage, just so that you could sucker us into some deal selling phone cards or something. I’d be VERY upset and VERY depressed, and kill myself or you or something. Thanks for the compliment, if it was sincere! E-mail me that information, unless it IS some crappy [phone card] deal like that.

Letters to the editors from our crack-smoking readers

Are you guys for real?

What’s with the coverage of the weird psychic stuff in your July issue? I know you guys are quite liberal, but c’mon, energy healing? What’s next, an article on how to grow your own Goddess out of bean-sprouts? – Puzzled, A Bemused Fan

We’re liberal? News to us. How does that explain the Missile-building facility we have out back? Psychic Energy Healing is just that: healing. Isn’t it interesting that people are energy beings, who sometimes need a little TLC? A little unconventional, sure, but it’s real. For the record, we don’t think one can necessarily grow the Almighty out of bean sprouts. Maybe a disciple or two, but not the Divine Spirit. At least not until 2011.

Letters answered by general counsel.

Dear Think Magazine

Whenever I pick up a magazine, whether it’s new to me or not, I look to see if there’s a welcome letter from the editor or publisher. If there is, I read it first because I think you can get a very good sense of the publication by what the editor chooses to do with that page. Some magazines have three pages of letters: one from the editor, publisher, CEO, or president.

That’s a bit too self-serving in my opinion. I’ve really enjoyed your editorials in the past. The one a few issues ago, about artistry being obsolete, was good. But I thought your most recent piece about the truth about reality was confused and shortsighted. [humanifesto, issue 27]. I can see that you thought you had your bases covered, but you missed one HUGE influencing factor: God. Many people still believe in him, you know. Interesting that of all the things that might be behind our reality, you omitted God. Do you think he noticed? – Jan Ong

Dear Jan, I personally believe that this reality is “God’s greatest joke ever told.” You ask if it’s a “he” but how can you even make that judgement? Do you even know why you call ‘him” god? (anyone wants to know, write me and I’ll tell). But that aside, the question is, did god create this reality, or does he himself exist within it? Hmmm…

Letters answered by an impartial moderator.

Dear Think

Regarding your Humanifesto a couple issues ago: Maybe to learn “it’s not raining” in foreign languages is not enough to understand the colour of a language. I read about German in your note. I can’t understand why you talk about declaring war… the Americans are at war… not the Germans. If you really think “it’s not raining” is all you need to know for international travels, you have never been in places tourists don’t reach out for.

But those places are the most interesting ones. You can really learn something about the local people there. And this might be the only reason for travelling – at least for the Europeans. But the Americans just travel to speak their own language or to get introduced to someone’s daughter???

During my 30-day trip around California, I thankfully met some Americans who are not as illiterate as you. They were people who knew more about Europe and Asia than rain and war. – Regards, Violet Wolfe

Thanks for the letter! The Humanifesto actually said that “it’s not raining” SOUNDS like a declaration of war in German because German is an aggressive-sounding language. But please don’t be mad and start name-calling just because after your 30-day trip around California you had to return to your Eastern European job in the bowels of a kerosene refinery. Danke!

Letters to the editors from our crack-smoking readers

Are you guys for real?

I’d rather be imprisoned in Guantanamo Bay than this pacified society of happy boys and girls. Alright, admittedly, my grudge against raves is somewhat personal. I’ve had the misfortune of attending some of these youth culture-marketing fiascoes during my summer break.

The story in brief: I ended up getting sucked into this lame-o crowd of house music fanatics in a desperate attempt to escape the otherwise conservative herd of people who inhabited my life. At the (beer company name removed) party, I spent an entire ten hours being ignored, lonely, and misunderstood by the booze-addled, happy-faced space kids who were content to boogie down all night long to the monotonous thump-thump-thumping that shook my skull but not my ass. But, annoying as it was, this is not the sole reason these events are “working our nerves”.

I maintain that my disdain for house music culture goes beyond my own horrible experience and actually stems from a fundamental disagreement with the socio-political ramifications of a bunch of blissed- out idiots gathering to share their love of musical garbage. Please, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, let us examine the most basic aspects of a “house music party”:

Letters answered by an unnamed senior administration official.

Cover ’em up

I picked up an old copy of Think, and I gotta say, thank you for the incredible story on tattooing. This being Singapore, I was expecting an article that was going to preach how you shouldn’t get tattooed, ever. But I was pleased to discover a fairly fresh angle to the subject. Yes, people will always get tattoos, it’s just a matter of where.

I’m lucky enough to have the pleasure (note sarcasm) of screening candidates for a somewhat notable software company, and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought to myself while interviewing blatantly tattooed hopefuls, “This idiot will work here when hell freezes over.” As someone in a position of power when it comes to hiring, let me give you tattooed job seekers some sage advice: Cover them up.

I interviewed a prospective candidate with a decent resume a few months ago who had the word “REVENGE” in cursive letters on their neck. This doesn’t send a strong message of stability. If you must get tattoos on your neck, and I admit they look real “tough” and “edgy,” figure out a way to cover them up for job interviews. Put a bandage over it or something.

Corporate Singapore is simply not ready for you yet. My husband was in the US service and spent some time overseas in the ’80s. By the time he returned, he had some pretty horrendous tattoos. We were discussing my bandage theory and he raised an interesting point.

If you’re in that position – in a job interview where you’ve covered your tattoo with a bandage – and the interviewer asks what happened to your neck, you’re probably better off saying something like, “Honestly, in a moment of questionable judgment, I got a tattoo on my neck and I thought it might limit my chances of getting this job.” So there’s hope for you yet, Revenge. – Shelley Pereira