Category: Letters to the Editor

Letters answered by a dude in a faux-hawk (so 2003).

Restaurant writeup

This is the 1st time that I pick up your magazine and I THINK it’s great….except for this: Restaurants In Singapore, Indian, Vansh “The hippest India joint in town! Beautifully styled venue, and the bathrooms are so cool, you might want to spend all your time there! Take in the aroma….???!!!” Not very appetising, is it?? – Jessie Neo

Ha ha! Nice to know that our reader’s are sharp enough to catch an unintended slip like that… or maybe it WAS put in there by our former listings editor. You see, after having to write listings for one of the other free papers, his mind suffered a bit of rot… we’ll comb through them all to see what other surprises he might have left.

Letters answered by McLovin.

Lush Lovers,

What happened to the Lush Life column? I absolutely love your magazine and looked forward to seeing what was going on around town. – Karen, via email

I noticed your Lush Life feature was missing from last couple issues. I hope you haven’t dropped it from your regular rotation because Time Out has recently started to really suck. IS too. You’d think that, since you’re in the same target audience, they’d try to come up with something a little better to read than yours, but me thinks they fail. – Colleen Meyers East Coast

Well ladies, the guy who was writing it had liver trouble you see. Apparently the human body isn’t so hip to that much alcohol. So we sent him off to a special lab in London, where they have bio-manipulating his system where it will require alcohol just to function… then the column will be back!

Letters to the editors from our crack-smoking readers

Are you guys for real?

What’s with the coverage of the weird psychic stuff in your July issue? I know you guys are quite liberal, but c’mon, energy healing? What’s next, an article on how to grow your own Goddess out of bean-sprouts? – Puzzled, A Bemused Fan

We’re liberal? News to us. How does that explain the Missile-building facility we have out back? Psychic Energy Healing is just that: healing. Isn’t it interesting that people are energy beings, who sometimes need a little TLC? A little unconventional, sure, but it’s real. For the record, we don’t think one can necessarily grow the Almighty out of bean sprouts. Maybe a disciple or two, but not the Divine Spirit. At least not until 2011.

Letters answered by our least literate editor.

You Suck!

You have got to be THE dumbest people on earth. I’ve been reading your publication since your first volume and I’ve hated every issue. Last year’s Reader’s Choice Awards issue was a waste of paper and I pray every day you won’t do another one. Joe Bodia is a brainless prick without the slightest shred of taste. Your editors, especially the music girl Laura Encarnado (is that even a real name?!), sucks with more enthusiasm than an Orchard Towers whore.

I’m amazed with each issue. Your column “Lush Life” (cute name by the way, losers) would be much better served if it simply didn’t exist. I don’t think I’ve found a useful thing in it since reading the damn thing when you idiots introduced it. Volume 3, Issue 21 for example: You list Shanghai as a great place to party as well as salsa at Sentosa as well as World Battle of the Bands as cool things to check out.

Who finds and decides on these things? Don’t bother answering; it’s a rhetorical question. We all know it’s some blind inbred, randomly pulling press releases out of a big trashcan. I was impressed with your restaurant review article in that same issue with the header tag of “energy drinks”. Broth, a place where I wouldn’t even buy my dog dinner. Or how about the article on the history of the hamburger?

Now that’s a f*king great idea! I wish I thought of that. Then I’d be almost as retarded as you guys. Your editorial direction makes no sense, your columns suck and your design looks like you taught a monkey how to press CTRL + ALT and bang on a computer with a PVC pipe. And then there’s Benet, a.k.a. the worst Editor-in-Crap in the history of ink. I’m going to send you a nice straight-edge razor Jeff, for your readers, please, do the right thing. – Sincerely, Paul Vessa

Dear Paul, Thank you for the letter of encouragement. It’s people like you that inspire us. We’ve clearly supplied you with years of material to hate. Frankly, like all God’s creatures, we love you. And we want to help you. Please come to one of our court-ordered support groups for the truly jaded. You don’t have to speak – your satay-stained tank top will say it all. By the way, Paul, we still have your writing samples and resume on file, so we know where you live… We’ll send puppies.

Team America

Letters answered by Team America

Where to eat?

I moved to the Singapore from Bangkok a couple of months ago, and I have to admit, I’ve always been a restaurant snob. I really didn’t think the dining in Singapore would even come close to comparing to my BK loves. But I saw your magazine on line, and your dining features guided me in the right direction. Though I still miss being able to walk down any street and finding good eats, I now know where to go near my new home, and I’m no longer missing out on the delicious fine dining that I’ve grown so accustomed to. – Lois Lee, via email

Thanks for the compliments, glad we could help. Be sure to check out the Jerry’s BBQ review inthe issue, and know that we will be updating the site with even more reviews!

Letters to the editors from our crack-smoking readers

Are you guys for real?

I’d rather be imprisoned in Guantanamo Bay than this pacified society of happy boys and girls. Alright, admittedly, my grudge against raves is somewhat personal. I’ve had the misfortune of attending some of these youth culture-marketing fiascoes during my summer break.

The story in brief: I ended up getting sucked into this lame-o crowd of house music fanatics in a desperate attempt to escape the otherwise conservative herd of people who inhabited my life. At the (beer company name removed) party, I spent an entire ten hours being ignored, lonely, and misunderstood by the booze-addled, happy-faced space kids who were content to boogie down all night long to the monotonous thump-thump-thumping that shook my skull but not my ass. But, annoying as it was, this is not the sole reason these events are “working our nerves”.

I maintain that my disdain for house music culture goes beyond my own horrible experience and actually stems from a fundamental disagreement with the socio-political ramifications of a bunch of blissed- out idiots gathering to share their love of musical garbage. Please, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, let us examine the most basic aspects of a “house music party”:

Letters to the editors from our crack-smoking readers

Editors:

Recently, I just been out of job for about 1 month and during this period, I tried so many interviews and without much success.

To get to the point, I hope the editor with its connections will help me find something temporarily. I willing to work or try anything and I mean “anything”. let me remind you I’m straight, ok?

I like to work with single or married lady but when their man is not around, like making breakfast for them or serve them whatever or whenever way they like it. I work cheap and I mean very cheap. I really desperate for cash. And I ready to share the commission with anybody who introduce me to this job. Available hours 06:00 hr – 12:00 hrs. Lastly try to be discreet. – Hot Rod

So how about it folks? Any of our female readers need breakfast made for them? This is a real letter we received, if you’re interested, drop us a line and we’ll pass you Hot Rod’s phone number! Really…

Letters answered by whoever the hell checked the mail that day.

Dear FRIEND,

I’M FROM THE IVORY COAST AND HAVE LOTS OF MONEY. I HAVE LIKE 22 MILLION AND I NEED TO TRANSFER IT TO AN ACCOUNT IN SINGAPORE. SO PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR BANK ACCOUNT NUMBER AND I’LL TRANSFER THE MONEY TO YOU AND I’LL GIVE YOU 50 THOUSAND. OKAY? – SINCERELY, IKAA LPSOOD

Dear Ikaa, this is the WORST attempt at the bank transfer scam we have ever read. Come on, you didn’t even say how you’ve escaped a horribly oppressive slave trade or how you got the money from a prince or anything. What is the world coming to if scam artists aren’t even putting in the effort? You get a D minus. But thank you for being such a huge on-line supporter of Think. Mad props to our people on the Ivory Coast!

Letters answered by the new guy in sales.

Hi

I just wanted to thank you for your editorial re: Sembawang festival. It’s good to see something in print that recognises the effort of Malcolm and his team, and also doesn’t try to be a voice for us “poor struggling” musicians. Out of everyone that has complained about how much we are getting none of the complaints have come from us! We’re looking forward to doing the festival and if idiots like Sujin keep writing tripe like that article we may lose the chance. – Thanks again, Alexander Gow

Man, you just wouldn’t believe the volume of letters we’ve gotten on that subject. Fortunately, only one or two were negative, and it seems like most people have come to their senses and realised that it’s gonna be one kickin’ event. Malcolm’s told me he’s making it more budget friendly and adding a few more bands. I for one, can’t wait!

Letters answered by an NSA agent who intercepted your email.

Dear Think,

While I love your magazine’s print version, I get annoyed by your website. I travel for work a lot so I often read your latest issue from the road. You need to put the captions on the online pictures. Without the little things, the online version is that much less enjoyable. Case in point: there was an article which referred to another article in the magazine. But the online version doesn’t link to that article, and your site is quite large! It’s very frustrating. And you usually have a self-deprecating caption for the picture of the editor, but online he just looks like some boob with a goofy look on his face. – Dave Murphy

Okay, okay, we get it. More links will be put into the stories online. As for the captions, we’re fine with you thinking the editor is some boob with a goofy look.

Letters answered by outsourced Indian tele-answerers.

Dear Think Magazine

I’ve read your “Letters to the Editor” page and I’ve noticed there are no Malay letter writers. Please print my letter so I can point out to my coworkers that you do indeed print letters from Malays. – Thanks, Rafidah P.S. Love your movie reviews.

Rafidah, How do I know you’re a real Malay and not some Malay impersonator? I don’t mean to be a jerk, we’ve just been getting hundreds of letters from people claiming to be Malaysian but when we run the requisite background checks on their family trees, it turns out they’re not really Malaysians at all. But if it helps, I’m Californian and I LOVE Air Batu Campur (Malaysian Cocktail in shaved ice + Ice Cream), yummy!

Letters answered by an outsourcing firm in India.

Dear Think,

What’s with these maniacs that write you guys every month? Don’t they understand that this is entertainment? Why is it whenever you do something different or call someone on their bad attitudes, you can bet on someone grabbing their box of crayolas and scribbling out some self-indulgent rant that somehow puts us all in our place. How dare we laugh at ourselves or each other… unless one of the other free magazines says it’s okay. Stay smart, – Sebastion Runza

Dear Sebastion, If you were within high-fiving distance, I’d insist you and I make up our own secret handshake. I don’t know if you’re just trying to say what we want to hear or what, but I think I speak for the entire Think Magazine staff when I say, “Exactly.” But at your question (and this is just me speculating): I think many people living in Singapore are so hyper-sensitive that they’re physically looking for something to bitch about. Fair enough, I concede, some gripes are legitimate. But many are just silly. Nevertheless, we’re out there on the streets so it’s something I’ve come to expect and, as of late, appreciate. And on behalf of the racially balanced, politically correct staff, I thank you for the letter.