Category: Letters to the Editor

Letters to the Editor – Singapore #20

Klahan Pakpao Sukhon

Klahan Pakpao Sukhon

Letters answered by Klahan Pakpao Sukhon, our security guard.

Dear MR. think, (via email)

Just looked at your web page, its pretty cool! Would you be intrested (sic) in getting free long distance and making some money at the same time? If so email me and i will get you some information. My email is [address removed]. – Thanks keep up the good work on your web page. James.

Ack! Please tell me you didn’t compliment our webpage, just so that you could sucker us into some deal selling phone cards or something. I’d be VERY upset and VERY depressed, and kill myself or you or something. Thanks for the compliment, if it was sincere! E-mail me that information, unless it IS some crappy [phone card] deal like that.

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Letters to the Editor – Singapore #29

senior administration officialLetters answered by an unnamed senior administration official.

Cover ’em up

I picked up an old copy of Think, and I gotta say, thank you for the incredible story on tattooing. This being Singapore, I was expecting an article that was going to preach how you shouldn’t get tattooed, ever. But I was pleased to discover a fairly fresh angle to the subject. Yes, people will always get tattoos, it’s just a matter of where.

I’m lucky enough to have the pleasure (note sarcasm) of screening candidates for a somewhat notable software company, and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought to myself while interviewing blatantly tattooed hopefuls, “This idiot will work here when hell freezes over.” As someone in a position of power when it comes to hiring, let me give you tattooed job seekers some sage advice: Cover them up.

I interviewed a prospective candidate with a decent resume a few months ago who had the word “REVENGE” in cursive letters on their neck. This doesn’t send a strong message of stability. If you must get tattoos on your neck, and I admit they look real “tough” and “edgy,” figure out a way to cover them up for job interviews. Put a bandage over it or something.

Corporate Singapore is simply not ready for you yet. My husband was in the US service and spent some time overseas in the ’80s. By the time he returned, he had some pretty horrendous tattoos. We were discussing my bandage theory and he raised an interesting point.

If you’re in that position – in a job interview where you’ve covered your tattoo with a bandage – and the interviewer asks what happened to your neck, you’re probably better off saying something like, “Honestly, in a moment of questionable judgment, I got a tattoo on my neck and I thought it might limit my chances of getting this job.” So there’s hope for you yet, Revenge. – Shelley Pereira

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Letters to the Editor – Singapore #14

letters to the editorLetters to the editors from our crack-smoking readers

Editors:

Recently, I just been out of job for about 1 month and during this period, I tried so many interviews and without much success.

To get to the point, I hope the editor with its connections will help me find something temporarily. I willing to work or try anything and I mean “anything”. let me remind you I’m straight, ok?

I like to work with single or married lady but when their man is not around, like making breakfast for them or serve them whatever or whenever way they like it. I work cheap and I mean very cheap. I really desperate for cash. And I ready to share the commission with anybody who introduce me to this job. Available hours 06:00 hr – 12:00 hrs. Lastly try to be discreet. – Hot Rod

So how about it folks? Any of our female readers need breakfast made for them? This is a real letter we received, if you’re interested, drop us a line and we’ll pass you Hot Rod’s phone number! Really…

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Letters to the Editor – Singapore #21

impartial moderatorLetters answered by an impartial moderator.

Dear Think

Regarding your Humanifesto a couple issues ago: Maybe to learn “it’s not raining” in foreign languages is not enough to understand the colour of a language. I read about German in your note. I can’t understand why you talk about declaring war… the Americans are at war… not the Germans. If you really think “it’s not raining” is all you need to know for international travels, you have never been in places tourists don’t reach out for.

But those places are the most interesting ones. You can really learn something about the local people there. And this might be the only reason for travelling – at least for the Europeans. But the Americans just travel to speak their own language or to get introduced to someone’s daughter???

During my 30-day trip around California, I thankfully met some Americans who are not as illiterate as you. They were people who knew more about Europe and Asia than rain and war. – Regards, Violet Wolfe

Thanks for the letter! The Humanifesto actually said that “it’s not raining” SOUNDS like a declaration of war in German because German is an aggressive-sounding language. But please don’t be mad and start name-calling just because after your 30-day trip around California you had to return to your Eastern European job in the bowels of a kerosene refinery. Danke!

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Letters to the Editor – Singapore #30

Sonny Chiba

Sonny Chiba

Letters answered by a red-blooded carbon-based totally badass human, Sonny Chiba!

Thank you for Think

Never have I seen such a magazine as Think. I was always surprised to see it is published here, especially when you consider how bad the commercial media is here. Thank you… we need more. I tell people to never watch TV and their world will be less violent and life will seem longer. There are very few good things to say about TV and Mass Media.

Besides the violence, the main purpose of “free” TV is to sell products that you really don’t need. You also don’t need to watch 90 minutes of headline “News” or “Weather”.

And you certainly don’t need to watch TV sports. Thus if you don’t own a TV, you will lead a calmer, less stressful life and not be plagued by false needs. Plus you will have more time to do important things. Like live. (And read Think!) – Tajarik

We at Think only wish we had time to watch TV anymore! We’re much too busy hunkering down in our bunker these days with our stash of Slim Jims and cases of beer… Have you read the newspapers? Or how about CNN? “Death, Doom, Destruction… and the Hollywood minute!” Seems there’s nowhere to escape it, we make Think to filter it all into some kind of sense… enjoy!

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Letters to the Editor – Singapore #15

letters to the editorLetters answered by whoever the hell checked the mail that day.

Dear FRIEND,

I’M FROM THE IVORY COAST AND HAVE LOTS OF MONEY. I HAVE LIKE 22 MILLION AND I NEED TO TRANSFER IT TO AN ACCOUNT IN SINGAPORE. SO PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR BANK ACCOUNT NUMBER AND I’LL TRANSFER THE MONEY TO YOU AND I’LL GIVE YOU 50 THOUSAND. OKAY? – SINCERELY, IKAA LPSOOD

Dear Ikaa, this is the WORST attempt at the bank transfer scam we have ever read. Come on, you didn’t even say how you’ve escaped a horribly oppressive slave trade or how you got the money from a prince or anything. What is the world coming to if scam artists aren’t even putting in the effort? You get a D minus. But thank you for being such a huge on-line supporter of Think. Mad props to our people on the Ivory Coast!

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Letters to the Editor – Singapore #22

Letters answered by the sexiest editor on staff.

sexiest editor on staff

Dear Think,

Hey, man, sick zine. How could I get my band Flesh Drillers a review or interview?

You should check us out and if you need a band for anything, let me know. We are from Johor Baruh and are an up-and-coming brutal death band and we just got signed to Death records. We’re about to put out two releases, so look out for us. – Alex (drums/vocals), Flesh Drillers

Thanks for the letter, Alex. We can probably work together. We were thinking about sponsoring a few shows at the Isetan and Flesh Drillers would no doubt be a hit with that crowd. If we can just get clearance for the pyrotechnics, we’ll be good to go.

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Letters to the Editor – Singapore #31

drunk editorLetters answered by someone who is no longer with the company. We wish him the best in his future endeavours.

Dear Cigarettes,

Hey, how’ve you been? I know we haven’t talked in a while, but I was just thinking about you the other day. Everywhere I go people are talking about you. It seems like nobody wants you around. I really miss you, and I’ve been thinking a lot about the time we spent together.

Remember our first time? I didn’t really like you right away, but you kind of grew on me. Those first few months were really cool, until my mom found out we were seeing each other. Remember when my mom tried to break us up? We had to see each other in secret for so long. In bathrooms, behind dumpsters, in the backyard late at night.

Once I turned eighteen things were great. We got to see each other whenever we wanted. A lot of my friends didn’t want me to see you, they said you made me stink, but I said the only stink on me is the stink of unconditional love. Remember when I had to leave for boot camp, and I wasn’t allowed to see you for two whole months? Everyone said it wouldn’t last, but as soon as I finished we got back together. We totally proved them wrong.

I talked to coffee the other day. Remember when the three of us used to hang out at all night restaurants? That was great, me, you and coffee. I really don’t hang out with coffee anymore, because it makes me miss you too much, and it makes me shit.

I still talk to beer. Probably more than I should. He asked how you were doing, and I said we stopped seeing each other. He was surprised at first, but he wishes us both the best. I gave him your email address.

I hope you’re doing okay, I’d like to say we should get together sometime, but that will never happen. Especially when you’re twelve dollars a pack. – Love, Jim

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Letters to the Editor – Singapore #23

gitmo detaineeLetters answered by a Gitmo detainee.

Dearest Think,

Congratulations on your majestic rise to fame! Unfortunately with every hop-skip-and-jump there is a trip-smack-and-hospital.

Hello! My name is “=” and I will be your STALKER (don’t run). You cannot stop that which has not yet commenced the process of beginning. Stalker Qualifications: I’ve read Catcher in the Rye 13 times and I’m working on my own Broadway musical adaptation simply titled Catcher! It’s all about a small town boy who goes to the big city to break into show business! Along the way he meets several friends:

Ernest: the dancing ‘F’ word, Gabriel: the cowardly pimp and Plath: the sad little synapse who just can’t jump the brain bridge. (Mike Love is set to cameo as ‘corpse.’) But enough about me and my (future TONY award winning) musical. You’re being stalked, so it’s time you acted like a victim… don’t jump and make trouble.

I will be sending you several packages in the mail over the next few months ‘ this is not a threat’ it’s a gift of passive-aggressive love ‘ I’m only doing this because I’m bored and my Claritin has yet to do ANYTHING!!!! WHERE’S THE OPEN FIELD OF GRASS AND FLOWERS AND SUNLIGHT!!!! (Maybe I should have chased it with a Paxil.) – Your Stalker, ‘=’

Great? Thanks? But I’m not sure what stalking is, exactly? Is it just sort of watching someone in a strange way? Sending packages full of insanity? I have an image of some creepy person sitting outside our office in an old rusty Ford Escort smelling his/her finger. I’m curious as to what’s next.

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Letters to the Editor – Singapore #32

Supreme Argon leader, Mordack

Supreme Argon leader, Mordack

Letters answered by our Supreme Argon leader, Mordack.

Dear Think,

Too bad you didn’t resist the temptation to do an “Eco-Green Issue.” I know this is going to sound terrible, and I know I’m not the only one who feels this way, but this whole “Going Green” movement that’s recently picked up so much steam is getting annoying. Everywhere I look, someone is telling me how I can reduce my carbon footprint.

That said, your story on going green didn’t completely drive me crazy. There were some good ideas and some really bad ones. How about these: going with LED lights is a great idea, because they’re energy efficient and look good. But using a real tree instead of a fake one doesn’t make sense. How does cutting down a tree help the environment? Yes, while growing, trees absorb carbon dioxide. But once you cut them down, they sure don’t. So the argument to go real or fake is not settled in the landfill. Isn’t the whole idea behind getting a fake tree so you can reuse it year after year? No one gets a fake tree and tosses it each year, only to get a new one. – Daniel G. Holland Village

Hi Daniel,

I’m of the opinion that it’s already too late. That if we were to return to an 1850 population and standard of environmental impact tomorrow, nothing would change as the snowball is already down the hill, so to speak. That said, there are small things that can be done, since the big problems will not go away until it’s sitting on top of us. I ride a bike to get around, take only one (or none) plastic bags, stop eating beef, little things that if billions did would probably do more than all the accords the big corporations allow governments to write. As for Christmas trees, aside from boycotting the consumerist aspects of this holiday, the real way to go is to buy a living tree, and keep it alive and growing. Because eventually, that cheap made from petrol-products plastic tree, WILL find it’s way into the landfill.

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Letters to the Editor – Singapore #24

dude in a faux-hawkLetters answered by a dude in a faux-hawk (so 2003).

Restaurant writeup

This is the 1st time that I pick up your magazine and I THINK it’s great….except for this: Restaurants In Singapore, Indian, Vansh “The hippest India joint in town! Beautifully styled venue, and the bathrooms are so cool, you might want to spend all your time there! Take in the aroma….???!!!” Not very appetising, is it?? – Jessie Neo

Ha ha! Nice to know that our reader’s are sharp enough to catch an unintended slip like that… or maybe it WAS put in there by our former listings editor. You see, after having to write listings for one of the other free papers, his mind suffered a bit of rot… we’ll comb through them all to see what other surprises he might have left.

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Letters to the Editor – Singapore #33

McLovinLetters answered by McLovin.

Lush Lovers,

What happened to the Lush Life column? I absolutely love your magazine and looked forward to seeing what was going on around town. – Karen, via email

I noticed your Lush Life feature was missing from last couple issues. I hope you haven’t dropped it from your regular rotation because Time Out has recently started to really suck. IS too. You’d think that, since you’re in the same target audience, they’d try to come up with something a little better to read than yours, but me thinks they fail. – Colleen Meyers East Coast

Well ladies, the guy who was writing it had liver trouble you see. Apparently the human body isn’t so hip to that much alcohol. So we sent him off to a special lab in London, where they have bio-manipulating his system where it will require alcohol just to function… then the column will be back!

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