Category: Letters to the Editor

Supreme Argon leader, Mordack

Letters answered by our Supreme Argon leader, Mordack.

Dear Think,

Too bad you didn’t resist the temptation to do an “Eco-Green Issue.” I know this is going to sound terrible, and I know I’m not the only one who feels this way, but this whole “Going Green” movement that’s recently picked up so much steam is getting annoying. Everywhere I look, someone is telling me how I can reduce my carbon footprint.

That said, your story on going green didn’t completely drive me crazy. There were some good ideas and some really bad ones. How about these: going with LED lights is a great idea, because they’re energy efficient and look good. But using a real tree instead of a fake one doesn’t make sense. How does cutting down a tree help the environment? Yes, while growing, trees absorb carbon dioxide. But once you cut them down, they sure don’t. So the argument to go real or fake is not settled in the landfill. Isn’t the whole idea behind getting a fake tree so you can reuse it year after year? No one gets a fake tree and tosses it each year, only to get a new one. – Daniel G. Holland Village

Hi Daniel,

I’m of the opinion that it’s already too late. That if we were to return to an 1850 population and standard of environmental impact tomorrow, nothing would change as the snowball is already down the hill, so to speak. That said, there are small things that can be done, since the big problems will not go away until it’s sitting on top of us. I ride a bike to get around, take only one (or none) plastic bags, stop eating beef, little things that if billions did would probably do more than all the accords the big corporations allow governments to write. As for Christmas trees, aside from boycotting the consumerist aspects of this holiday, the real way to go is to buy a living tree, and keep it alive and growing. Because eventually, that cheap made from petrol-products plastic tree, WILL find it’s way into the landfill.

Letters answered by whoever the hell checked the mail that day.

Dear FRIEND,

I’M FROM THE IVORY COAST AND HAVE LOTS OF MONEY. I HAVE LIKE 22 MILLION AND I NEED TO TRANSFER IT TO AN ACCOUNT IN SINGAPORE. SO PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR BANK ACCOUNT NUMBER AND I’LL TRANSFER THE MONEY TO YOU AND I’LL GIVE YOU 50 THOUSAND. OKAY? – SINCERELY, IKAA LPSOOD

Dear Ikaa, this is the WORST attempt at the bank transfer scam we have ever read. Come on, you didn’t even say how you’ve escaped a horribly oppressive slave trade or how you got the money from a prince or anything. What is the world coming to if scam artists aren’t even putting in the effort? You get a D minus. But thank you for being such a huge on-line supporter of Think. Mad props to our people on the Ivory Coast!

Letters answered by our least literate editor.

You Suck!

You have got to be THE dumbest people on earth. I’ve been reading your publication since your first volume and I’ve hated every issue. Last year’s Reader’s Choice Awards issue was a waste of paper and I pray every day you won’t do another one. Joe Bodia is a brainless prick without the slightest shred of taste. Your editors, especially the music girl Laura Encarnado (is that even a real name?!), sucks with more enthusiasm than an Orchard Towers whore.

I’m amazed with each issue. Your column “Lush Life” (cute name by the way, losers) would be much better served if it simply didn’t exist. I don’t think I’ve found a useful thing in it since reading the damn thing when you idiots introduced it. Volume 3, Issue 21 for example: You list Shanghai as a great place to party as well as salsa at Sentosa as well as World Battle of the Bands as cool things to check out.

Who finds and decides on these things? Don’t bother answering; it’s a rhetorical question. We all know it’s some blind inbred, randomly pulling press releases out of a big trashcan. I was impressed with your restaurant review article in that same issue with the header tag of “energy drinks”. Broth, a place where I wouldn’t even buy my dog dinner. Or how about the article on the history of the hamburger?

Now that’s a f*king great idea! I wish I thought of that. Then I’d be almost as retarded as you guys. Your editorial direction makes no sense, your columns suck and your design looks like you taught a monkey how to press CTRL + ALT and bang on a computer with a PVC pipe. And then there’s Benet, a.k.a. the worst Editor-in-Crap in the history of ink. I’m going to send you a nice straight-edge razor Jeff, for your readers, please, do the right thing. – Sincerely, Paul Vessa

Dear Paul, Thank you for the letter of encouragement. It’s people like you that inspire us. We’ve clearly supplied you with years of material to hate. Frankly, like all God’s creatures, we love you. And we want to help you. Please come to one of our court-ordered support groups for the truly jaded. You don’t have to speak – your satay-stained tank top will say it all. By the way, Paul, we still have your writing samples and resume on file, so we know where you live… We’ll send puppies.

Letters answered by McLovin.

Lush Lovers,

What happened to the Lush Life column? I absolutely love your magazine and looked forward to seeing what was going on around town. – Karen, via email

I noticed your Lush Life feature was missing from last couple issues. I hope you haven’t dropped it from your regular rotation because Time Out has recently started to really suck. IS too. You’d think that, since you’re in the same target audience, they’d try to come up with something a little better to read than yours, but me thinks they fail. – Colleen Meyers East Coast

Well ladies, the guy who was writing it had liver trouble you see. Apparently the human body isn’t so hip to that much alcohol. So we sent him off to a special lab in London, where they have bio-manipulating his system where it will require alcohol just to function… then the column will be back!

Team America

Letters answered by Team America

Where to eat?

I moved to the Singapore from Bangkok a couple of months ago, and I have to admit, I’ve always been a restaurant snob. I really didn’t think the dining in Singapore would even come close to comparing to my BK loves. But I saw your magazine on line, and your dining features guided me in the right direction. Though I still miss being able to walk down any street and finding good eats, I now know where to go near my new home, and I’m no longer missing out on the delicious fine dining that I’ve grown so accustomed to. – Lois Lee, via email

Thanks for the compliments, glad we could help. Be sure to check out the Jerry’s BBQ review inthe issue, and know that we will be updating the site with even more reviews!

Letters answered by the new guy in sales.

Hi

I just wanted to thank you for your editorial re: Sembawang festival. It’s good to see something in print that recognises the effort of Malcolm and his team, and also doesn’t try to be a voice for us “poor struggling” musicians. Out of everyone that has complained about how much we are getting none of the complaints have come from us! We’re looking forward to doing the festival and if idiots like Sujin keep writing tripe like that article we may lose the chance. – Thanks again, Alexander Gow

Man, you just wouldn’t believe the volume of letters we’ve gotten on that subject. Fortunately, only one or two were negative, and it seems like most people have come to their senses and realised that it’s gonna be one kickin’ event. Malcolm’s told me he’s making it more budget friendly and adding a few more bands. I for one, can’t wait!

Letters to the editors from our crack-smoking readers

Dear Jeffree,

I’m writing on behalf of the creative folks at Bates and 141 Worldwide. You see, we’re always partying it up – seeing we manage all the Heineken parties and are responsible for all of its advertising and communication collaterals. In fact, we’ve seen our ugly mugs in your magazines before. But…often times we’re told by folks from the other agencies we’re in the magazines. By the time we try to get our paws on the copies, they’re all gone. So, what we’d like to ask is this: Please add us to your distribution list! We’ll try not to look like animals! – Many thanks in advance, Karen San, Creative Group Head, 141 Worldwide

Thanks for the kind words Karen, we’d be more than pleased to give you the ‘evidence” of your nights out on the town, just remember that we have the negatives! As for being hard to get, that’s been a problem from the start, the magazines are picked up as soon as they are seen. In fact, at some locations, 100 copies an hour fly out the door! You can count on us steadily increasing our print run each month to counterbalance this fact.

Letters answered by an NSA agent who intercepted your email.

Dear Think,

While I love your magazine’s print version, I get annoyed by your website. I travel for work a lot so I often read your latest issue from the road. You need to put the captions on the online pictures. Without the little things, the online version is that much less enjoyable. Case in point: there was an article which referred to another article in the magazine. But the online version doesn’t link to that article, and your site is quite large! It’s very frustrating. And you usually have a self-deprecating caption for the picture of the editor, but online he just looks like some boob with a goofy look on his face. – Dave Murphy

Okay, okay, we get it. More links will be put into the stories online. As for the captions, we’re fine with you thinking the editor is some boob with a goofy look.

Letters to the editors from our crack-smoking readers

THINK,

I just returned from a five-week trip to Tahiti and New Zealand. Let me know if you would be interested in a photo essay on the trip. – Doug Lim

Oh, hell yeah, we’re interested. We love pictures. It’s pretty unlikely that we’ll publish any of them, though, because we know how Tahitians freak out when they see their own images. Someone should tell them that cameras don’t steal their souls any more than white people do.

Letters answered by an outsourcing firm in India.

Dear Think,

What’s with these maniacs that write you guys every month? Don’t they understand that this is entertainment? Why is it whenever you do something different or call someone on their bad attitudes, you can bet on someone grabbing their box of crayolas and scribbling out some self-indulgent rant that somehow puts us all in our place. How dare we laugh at ourselves or each other… unless one of the other free magazines says it’s okay. Stay smart, – Sebastion Runza

Dear Sebastion, If you were within high-fiving distance, I’d insist you and I make up our own secret handshake. I don’t know if you’re just trying to say what we want to hear or what, but I think I speak for the entire Think Magazine staff when I say, “Exactly.” But at your question (and this is just me speculating): I think many people living in Singapore are so hyper-sensitive that they’re physically looking for something to bitch about. Fair enough, I concede, some gripes are legitimate. But many are just silly. Nevertheless, we’re out there on the streets so it’s something I’ve come to expect and, as of late, appreciate. And on behalf of the racially balanced, politically correct staff, I thank you for the letter.

Letters answered by outsourced Indian tele-answerers.

Dear Think Magazine

I’ve read your “Letters to the Editor” page and I’ve noticed there are no Malay letter writers. Please print my letter so I can point out to my coworkers that you do indeed print letters from Malays. – Thanks, Rafidah P.S. Love your movie reviews.

Rafidah, How do I know you’re a real Malay and not some Malay impersonator? I don’t mean to be a jerk, we’ve just been getting hundreds of letters from people claiming to be Malaysian but when we run the requisite background checks on their family trees, it turns out they’re not really Malaysians at all. But if it helps, I’m Californian and I LOVE Air Batu Campur (Malaysian Cocktail in shaved ice + Ice Cream), yummy!

Letters to the editors from our crack-smoking readers.

THINK,

I have to take offence with your mocking of religion in your recent editorials. Before it’s too late, make peace with GOD, and make sure the ones you love do also. You need to pick between an eternity of joy or one of torment. Accept Him. Repent. Get baptised. And have a nice eternity. – Noelle Ng

Interesting, Noelle, but, like, which God are you talking about? Because there are so many out there these days it’s hard to keep them all straight. If we look to the guidance of Neil Diamond in his song, “Porcupine Pie,” where he sings, “And I do believe I’m gonna have one and leave enough room for dessert, chicken ripple ice cream,” we see the answers before us glowing with holiness, or something.