Category: Letters to the Editor

Letters to the editors from our crack-smoking readers

Editors:

Recently, I just been out of job for about 1 month and during this period, I tried so many interviews and without much success.

To get to the point, I hope the editor with its connections will help me find something temporarily. I willing to work or try anything and I mean “anything”. let me remind you I’m straight, ok?

I like to work with single or married lady but when their man is not around, like making breakfast for them or serve them whatever or whenever way they like it. I work cheap and I mean very cheap. I really desperate for cash. And I ready to share the commission with anybody who introduce me to this job. Available hours 06:00 hr – 12:00 hrs. Lastly try to be discreet. – Hot Rod

So how about it folks? Any of our female readers need breakfast made for them? This is a real letter we received, if you’re interested, drop us a line and we’ll pass you Hot Rod’s phone number! Really…

Sonny Chiba

Letters answered by a red-blooded carbon-based totally badass human, Sonny Chiba!

Thank you for Think

Never have I seen such a magazine as Think. I was always surprised to see it is published here, especially when you consider how bad the commercial media is here. Thank you… we need more. I tell people to never watch TV and their world will be less violent and life will seem longer. There are very few good things to say about TV and Mass Media.

Besides the violence, the main purpose of “free” TV is to sell products that you really don’t need. You also don’t need to watch 90 minutes of headline “News” or “Weather”.

And you certainly don’t need to watch TV sports. Thus if you don’t own a TV, you will lead a calmer, less stressful life and not be plagued by false needs. Plus you will have more time to do important things. Like live. (And read Think!) – Tajarik

We at Think only wish we had time to watch TV anymore! We’re much too busy hunkering down in our bunker these days with our stash of Slim Jims and cases of beer… Have you read the newspapers? Or how about CNN? “Death, Doom, Destruction… and the Hollywood minute!” Seems there’s nowhere to escape it, we make Think to filter it all into some kind of sense… enjoy!

Letters answered by whoever the hell checked the mail that day.

Dear FRIEND,

I’M FROM THE IVORY COAST AND HAVE LOTS OF MONEY. I HAVE LIKE 22 MILLION AND I NEED TO TRANSFER IT TO AN ACCOUNT IN SINGAPORE. SO PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR BANK ACCOUNT NUMBER AND I’LL TRANSFER THE MONEY TO YOU AND I’LL GIVE YOU 50 THOUSAND. OKAY? – SINCERELY, IKAA LPSOOD

Dear Ikaa, this is the WORST attempt at the bank transfer scam we have ever read. Come on, you didn’t even say how you’ve escaped a horribly oppressive slave trade or how you got the money from a prince or anything. What is the world coming to if scam artists aren’t even putting in the effort? You get a D minus. But thank you for being such a huge on-line supporter of Think. Mad props to our people on the Ivory Coast!

Letters answered by someone who is no longer with the company. We wish him the best in his future endeavours.

Dear Cigarettes,

Hey, how’ve you been? I know we haven’t talked in a while, but I was just thinking about you the other day. Everywhere I go people are talking about you. It seems like nobody wants you around. I really miss you, and I’ve been thinking a lot about the time we spent together.

Remember our first time? I didn’t really like you right away, but you kind of grew on me. Those first few months were really cool, until my mom found out we were seeing each other. Remember when my mom tried to break us up? We had to see each other in secret for so long. In bathrooms, behind dumpsters, in the backyard late at night.

Once I turned eighteen things were great. We got to see each other whenever we wanted. A lot of my friends didn’t want me to see you, they said you made me stink, but I said the only stink on me is the stink of unconditional love. Remember when I had to leave for boot camp, and I wasn’t allowed to see you for two whole months? Everyone said it wouldn’t last, but as soon as I finished we got back together. We totally proved them wrong.

I talked to coffee the other day. Remember when the three of us used to hang out at all night restaurants? That was great, me, you and coffee. I really don’t hang out with coffee anymore, because it makes me miss you too much, and it makes me shit.

I still talk to beer. Probably more than I should. He asked how you were doing, and I said we stopped seeing each other. He was surprised at first, but he wishes us both the best. I gave him your email address.

I hope you’re doing okay, I’d like to say we should get together sometime, but that will never happen. Especially when you’re twelve dollars a pack. – Love, Jim

Letters answered by the new guy in sales.

Hi

I just wanted to thank you for your editorial re: Sembawang festival. It’s good to see something in print that recognises the effort of Malcolm and his team, and also doesn’t try to be a voice for us “poor struggling” musicians. Out of everyone that has complained about how much we are getting none of the complaints have come from us! We’re looking forward to doing the festival and if idiots like Sujin keep writing tripe like that article we may lose the chance. – Thanks again, Alexander Gow

Man, you just wouldn’t believe the volume of letters we’ve gotten on that subject. Fortunately, only one or two were negative, and it seems like most people have come to their senses and realised that it’s gonna be one kickin’ event. Malcolm’s told me he’s making it more budget friendly and adding a few more bands. I for one, can’t wait!

Supreme Argon leader, Mordack

Letters answered by our Supreme Argon leader, Mordack.

Dear Think,

Too bad you didn’t resist the temptation to do an “Eco-Green Issue.” I know this is going to sound terrible, and I know I’m not the only one who feels this way, but this whole “Going Green” movement that’s recently picked up so much steam is getting annoying. Everywhere I look, someone is telling me how I can reduce my carbon footprint.

That said, your story on going green didn’t completely drive me crazy. There were some good ideas and some really bad ones. How about these: going with LED lights is a great idea, because they’re energy efficient and look good. But using a real tree instead of a fake one doesn’t make sense. How does cutting down a tree help the environment? Yes, while growing, trees absorb carbon dioxide. But once you cut them down, they sure don’t. So the argument to go real or fake is not settled in the landfill. Isn’t the whole idea behind getting a fake tree so you can reuse it year after year? No one gets a fake tree and tosses it each year, only to get a new one. – Daniel G. Holland Village

Hi Daniel,

I’m of the opinion that it’s already too late. That if we were to return to an 1850 population and standard of environmental impact tomorrow, nothing would change as the snowball is already down the hill, so to speak. That said, there are small things that can be done, since the big problems will not go away until it’s sitting on top of us. I ride a bike to get around, take only one (or none) plastic bags, stop eating beef, little things that if billions did would probably do more than all the accords the big corporations allow governments to write. As for Christmas trees, aside from boycotting the consumerist aspects of this holiday, the real way to go is to buy a living tree, and keep it alive and growing. Because eventually, that cheap made from petrol-products plastic tree, WILL find it’s way into the landfill.

Letters answered by an NSA agent who intercepted your email.

Dear Think,

While I love your magazine’s print version, I get annoyed by your website. I travel for work a lot so I often read your latest issue from the road. You need to put the captions on the online pictures. Without the little things, the online version is that much less enjoyable. Case in point: there was an article which referred to another article in the magazine. But the online version doesn’t link to that article, and your site is quite large! It’s very frustrating. And you usually have a self-deprecating caption for the picture of the editor, but online he just looks like some boob with a goofy look on his face. – Dave Murphy

Okay, okay, we get it. More links will be put into the stories online. As for the captions, we’re fine with you thinking the editor is some boob with a goofy look.

Letters answered by McLovin.

Lush Lovers,

What happened to the Lush Life column? I absolutely love your magazine and looked forward to seeing what was going on around town. – Karen, via email

I noticed your Lush Life feature was missing from last couple issues. I hope you haven’t dropped it from your regular rotation because Time Out has recently started to really suck. IS too. You’d think that, since you’re in the same target audience, they’d try to come up with something a little better to read than yours, but me thinks they fail. – Colleen Meyers East Coast

Well ladies, the guy who was writing it had liver trouble you see. Apparently the human body isn’t so hip to that much alcohol. So we sent him off to a special lab in London, where they have bio-manipulating his system where it will require alcohol just to function… then the column will be back!

Letters answered by an outsourcing firm in India.

Dear Think,

What’s with these maniacs that write you guys every month? Don’t they understand that this is entertainment? Why is it whenever you do something different or call someone on their bad attitudes, you can bet on someone grabbing their box of crayolas and scribbling out some self-indulgent rant that somehow puts us all in our place. How dare we laugh at ourselves or each other… unless one of the other free magazines says it’s okay. Stay smart, – Sebastion Runza

Dear Sebastion, If you were within high-fiving distance, I’d insist you and I make up our own secret handshake. I don’t know if you’re just trying to say what we want to hear or what, but I think I speak for the entire Think Magazine staff when I say, “Exactly.” But at your question (and this is just me speculating): I think many people living in Singapore are so hyper-sensitive that they’re physically looking for something to bitch about. Fair enough, I concede, some gripes are legitimate. But many are just silly. Nevertheless, we’re out there on the streets so it’s something I’ve come to expect and, as of late, appreciate. And on behalf of the racially balanced, politically correct staff, I thank you for the letter.

Team America

Letters answered by Team America

Where to eat?

I moved to the Singapore from Bangkok a couple of months ago, and I have to admit, I’ve always been a restaurant snob. I really didn’t think the dining in Singapore would even come close to comparing to my BK loves. But I saw your magazine on line, and your dining features guided me in the right direction. Though I still miss being able to walk down any street and finding good eats, I now know where to go near my new home, and I’m no longer missing out on the delicious fine dining that I’ve grown so accustomed to. – Lois Lee, via email

Thanks for the compliments, glad we could help. Be sure to check out the Jerry’s BBQ review inthe issue, and know that we will be updating the site with even more reviews!

Letters answered by the cute FedEx guy.

Dear Think,

The “Techno Music” genre, as this troll calls it [Vol.2, Issue 17], is so far beyond stupidity and redundancy it’s not even worthy of being mentioned in your rag. The names of the genre descriptions aren’t exactly too accurate, either. For instance, there’s no defining moment to give breakbeat the rap crown as it’s been used since the dawn of German tekno/elektro/electronic pioneers, Kraftwerk.

If you want to hear BREAKBEATS, then simply listen to ’70s anthem, “Trans Europe Express.” In fact, if you want to hear the roots of all these genres, like “techno”, trance, breakbeats, elektro, etc., then Kraftwerk is highly in order. Another thing – electro clash has absolutely “nothing” to do with “funk” or funky sounds. Electro in itself is a very bizarre sound. Much more bizarre than “funk,” per se.

The genres your writer names are highly out of date and highly regressive. Not in the least underground whatsoever, save for the merging trance genres.You want some decent styles of old? Here you go:

Tekkno, hardcore techno, gabba (note: not gabbER), hard-acid, acidtrance, hard trance, ambient (I have to give this respect, it’s not heard much anymore), industrial (not NIN, but Front 242, Throbbing Gristle, The Normal, Non, Can, Fad Gadget, Cabaret Voltaire, etc), techno industrial, acid, new beat, etc.

Newer stuff: Hardbeat, hard dance, elektro-wave, industrial tekkno, etc etc.

This doesn’t even encompass the industrial genres or many other electronic genres that were “not” mentioned.

It would seem to me that your *cough* reviewer(s) is a bit biased as to what they write about. So be it, but keep in mind that what is being mentioned is not what is really kicking within the scene these days. I don’t expect you to understand this, though – you’re only a cheesy ragazine. – DJ NaNa

And yet you read this “cheesy ragazine.” And it wasn’t a *cough* review. The article was a breakdown of the ever-changing genres in electronic music. Is it dated? Yep, from the moment he wrote it down. In fact, it’s more than safe to say the genres that you’re honking are SO lame by now that publishing your letter will get you booted from the “underground” so fast your xl records will spin. But that’s okay. You can hang out with us cheesy ragazine people.

Klahan Pakpao Sukhon

Letters answered by Klahan Pakpao Sukhon, our security guard.

Dear MR. think, (via email)

Just looked at your web page, its pretty cool! Would you be intrested (sic) in getting free long distance and making some money at the same time? If so email me and i will get you some information. My email is [address removed]. – Thanks keep up the good work on your web page. James.

Ack! Please tell me you didn’t compliment our webpage, just so that you could sucker us into some deal selling phone cards or something. I’d be VERY upset and VERY depressed, and kill myself or you or something. Thanks for the compliment, if it was sincere! E-mail me that information, unless it IS some crappy [phone card] deal like that.